AS FREE AS I CAN

Can´t really explain how it started…
Guess it has been part of my own nature.
The feeling of going against all odds usually brings quite a pleasing taste in the end.
The adrenaline running through my veins, thus keeping alive the flame.

As far as I can remember, it seemed to be part of an innocent game.
A game that could not cause any kind of pain.
A game that seemed to welcome everyone to play.
And eventually, it would come to an end.
But time passed by and I’m still a player on it.
I don’t see it as a problem if I am honest with myself.
Conversely, I take it as my “superpower”.
Even I start believing that it is part of who I am.
Something that defines me as an individual.
Like a puzzle piece that you cannot simply get rid of,
You shouldn’t.
At least not in the context that my sneaky head has managed to create after all this time.

The heart pace increases with each step
I can feel neither my arms nor my legs
The air starts to become deficient.
My mind is completely gone.
I wonder if there’s still a soul
And if so, what kind of?
Is it candid, wild, free?
Perhaps nothing but a bluffer, scared and trapped whatsoever thing in this matter called body.
What could have happened to that kid?

I’m heading somewhere.
I know it
But can’t sense exactly where.
Guess my body’s compass has played well in the hiding part and I just forgot to do the seek one.

I’m pursuing something.
I can feel it
And yet can’t really tell what
Or maybe it’s the uncertainty that’s holding me back cause I can’t simply make my mind.

Perhaps, I’m only running away.
After feeling chased and mistakenly have turned that joyful game into an endless and draining quest.

The truth is I got more questions than answers…
But I’m starting to understand some of the reasons for the decisions I have made so far.

Some days I run away
cause I don’t have the time or guts to deal with whatever the feeling is crossing my mind.
Some days I chase things,
occasionally people that ironically are not meant to stay.
Some days I just get curious or overwhelmed
And I know that there’s no better remedy for me than putting on those old runners, turning on the music and taking over the streets as free as I can.